How to teach aggression in basketball

Drills & Strategies to Teach Aggressiveness & Hustle

By Joe Haefner

In this article, you can find:

• How to Emphasize Aggressiveness and Hustle
• What Behaviors to Emphasize
• How to Use Points During Practice
• Drills and Resources
• Hustle Stats to Track and Reward

Over the years, I've come to believe that being aggressive is personality-based. Some players are just naturally more aggressive. Some aren't.

However, no matter a person's disposition, I think there are ways to get your players to play more aggressively.

I have also found that keeping things really simple helps. Sometimes players just don't know what to do...they want to play hard but don't know how...

So here are some techniques that teach any age players to be comfortable with being aggressive so that it almost becomes second nature to them:

Verbally reward all plays that include aggressiveness and hustle.

Catch players being aggressive or hustling - stop any play in practice to tell them they did a great job. Get excited about it!

It is also important that youth players understand what "aggressive" and "hustle" mean. By stopping practice to compliment these hustle plays, players will begin to understand what your expectations are in practices and games. Youth players need examples of what positive aggressiveness looks like on the court.

This also creates a positive team culture as players learn to cheer on their teammates for tremendous effort.

Even if you have to start with something small, this can help get them going in the right direction. You can focus on things like:

• Taking charges
• Diving on the floor and securing a loose ball
• Saving a ball that was going out of bounds
• Offensive rebounds/Boxing out
• Defensive rebounds/Boxing out
• Attacking the lane when it's open
• Exceptional hustle play

Another important technique is to have teammates run over and pick up players who dive on the floor or are knocked over taking a charge. All four teammates should sprint over, help the player up, and high-5/congratulate the teammate who made a hustle play. Do this during practice and games.

Use points during practice.

If you take anything from this article, this may just be the most important tip.

During scrimmages, we would give extra points for certain behaviors we wanted more of. You could mix a few of them or just focus on one of them for the day.

Here's an example of how I have used points during scrimmages:

+2 for any offensive rebounding
-1 for a missed block out
+1 for getting fouled on a shot
+2 for special hustle plays
+1 for diving on the floor for a loose ball (only when necessary - reduce points for unnecessary diving)

No matter how you choose to use points to emphasize aggressiveness and hustle, the bottom line is...

Reward and praise the effort...not the outcome or the talent.

Your players will transfer the effort and behaviors to game time.

Use drills that require aggression.

There are many loose ball drills you can incorporate into practice. Just use your common sense and tailor the drill to the age and skill levels of your players.

You want to take care not to use any drills (or part of a drill) that may cause injury...for instance, youth players are not ready to take a charge or have multiple players diving after a loose ball.

Here's one fun Loose Ball Drill that a lot of youth and high school players love! It improves three key areas:

• Hustling after every loose ball
• One-on-one offense
• Guarding the ball

Instructions:

1. Line up 2 players on the baseline (low post).
2. Coach takes the ball and throws it down the court hard.
3. Players must sprint hard to the ball.
4. The 1st player to get the ball is on offense and the other player must run back and defend in the half court.
5. Players then go 1v1 until one scores.

You can also emphasize keeping the ball out of the paint and defending with hands straight up (no reaching in).

We also have a few free resources you can take a look at:

• Man in the Hole Drill

  This drill instills aggressiveness, hustle, and conditioning.

• Sampson's Take a Charge & Loose Ball Drill

  This drill works on taking charges and diving after loose balls. Again, take care with what age/skill level you use this one with.

• 3 Best Rebounding Drills

  This video teaches players to make contact and correctly box out no matter what angle or side the opponent is coming from.

Whether you keep stats on paper or use technology, showing kids the stats can help motivate them. Again, you can make a big deal out of these stats by emphasizing them in an exciting manner.

Maybe the day after a game, you announce improvements in these as a team. And if you feel that it works for your particular team, you can highlight individual players as well.

You could even graph these on chart paper and display so players can see the team's progress. Of course, this may depend on your particular group of players:

• Gathered loose balls
• Charges
• Deflections
• Forced jump balls
• Defensive rebounds
• Offensive rebounds

High school teams that have banquets at the end of the season should consider having awards that also reward effort and not just talent (such as most charges taken).

In conclusion, sometimes you just have to find out what makes each player tick. Some will never be super aggressive...it's not their personality. But in time, you can find certain things they will do well and will get aggressive with.

Embrace their strengths, encourage what you want, but realize you may never change some personalities. Find out what they are good at and foster those things.

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Basketball on the Edge - 10 Tips for Playing More Aggressive Basketball

Coaches in every sport say it, “Be aggressive out there!”  What does that mean exactly?   You know your coach wants you to “be more aggressive” but what specifically can you do to play more aggressively?  Here are some suggestions of what you can do right now to play more aggressively and some suggestions that can help over the long term.

Play more aggressively today.

1.  Go after loose balls.

Every coach loves a player who will get on the floor for a loose ball.  Possessions are valuable, they give your team another opportunity to score.  Be the player that gets after (AND GETS) every loose ball.

2.  Develop an “Every rebound is mine.” mentality.

What stops you from going after every rebound?  Unless it is your responsibility to get back on defense why not go hard after the rebound?  I watch players in every game just stand and watch as the shot goes up.   If you think “Every rebound is mine.”  You’ll play more aggressively.

3.  Don’t hesitate.  Make a decision and go.

Catch the ball and make a quick basketball.  Are you open?  Take a shot.  Defender rushing at you?  Head fake and drive.  Teammate open?  Make a quick pass.  As your skill level improves (See #1 in the long term section) you’ll get better at eliminating hesitation from your game

4.  Set physical screens.

Make contact with defenders when you screen.  Too many players set phantom screens with little or no contact.  It doesn’t take great talent to set a hard screen.  Make setting physical screens part of your identity as a player.

5.  Play with high energy.

Run the floor harder than your opponent.  Don’t rest while you are playing help-side defense.  Make hard cuts to the basket on offense.  Think of all the little ways you can bring more energy to the game.

6.  Communicate

If you want to play more aggressively become a better communicator.   Talk more out on the floor.  Remind teammates where to go, what to do, or about specific game situations.  Your coach will perceive you as a more aggressive player when you are out there communicating and talking the game.

Ways to improve your aggressiveness for the long term.

7.  Develop your basketball skills.

The better your basketball skill set the more likely you are to be aggressive.  If you can’t dribble well with your weak hand, you probably won’t be very aggressive driving that direction in a game.  As you develop your skills you’ll become more aggressive because you know you can do certain out on the court.  You know you’ve put the time to become a better player that can “be more aggressive”.

8.  Be confident.

Skill building is confidence building.  When you are confident you feel you can do almost anything out on the court.  You’ll be more relaxed, knowing you’ve put the time in working on your game.  How much more confident and aggressive would you be shooting a game winning jump shot in a tie game with 2 seconds left if you had practiced 100 of those shots every day in the off-season?  Confident players are aggressive players.

9.  Get your body right.

Work on your strength, agility, cardio, and athleticism.  Eat right, Get enough sleep.  You can’t be aggressive if you’re worn down, injured, or tired.

10.  Don’t fear failure.

When you play scared you often play trying to avoid mistakes.  That is a sure way to avoid playing aggressively.  Fear often grips players who are bench players.  They check in the game feeling that one mistake will have them on the bench.  Try to remember that fear really only exists in your mind.  Play the way you are capable of playing and good things will happen.

Follow these ten tips and you can start being a more aggressive player today.  Show your coach that you know how to “Be more aggressive!”

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Anger Management Tips for Kids - Child Development

It's okay to get angry from time to time. But we must not allow anger to develop into cruelty or aggression. It is very important that the child knows this. To prevent aggressive behavior of the child, you need to teach him to manage anger.

Does your child have anger problems?

Everyone experiences anger, including children. And that's okay. But some people can't handle their anger. Here are a few signs that may indicate a child has anger issues:

• the child often loses his temper over the smallest trifles;
• child loses self-control, cannot stop during an outburst of anger;
• the child cannot coherently express his feelings;
• the child does not notice how their anger affects other people. From the outside it seems that he does not care about the feelings of others;
• child behaves recklessly;
• the child uses threats in speech. In his drawings and what he writes, there is a theme of violence and aggression;
• the child says that others are to blame for his aggressive behavior;
• the child is angry for a long time;
• the child begins to control his behavior only after he is scolded and scolded.

Children who engage in mindless aggressive behavior when angry usually hurt themselves or others. Sometimes a child's anger problems are obvious. But in some cases, parents need to carefully observe his behavior and thoughts.

If you notice that your child is often angry, you should learn how to manage it.

What is anger management?

Anger management is the process of teaching children how to channel their anger in a safe direction. Children learn to recognize signs of anger, calm down, and take more productive actions. Anger management does not mean suppressing or denying your feelings.

Anger is a normal feeling and should be expressed. Suppressed anger can lead to outbursts, and the person can become aggressive and violent. Anger management helps prevent outbursts that could harm the child or others around them.

Anger management skills are as important as other life skills in helping a child become a sensible adult later on. How can you help your child learn to manage anger?

Tips for Managing Anger in Children

Managing anger is not easy. That is why the child should learn this as early as possible. Here are some tips to help your child better manage their anger.

1. Take a break

Pausing always helps when a child is angry. When he has a temper tantrum, don't react or scold him. This will only increase his anger. Instead of arguing or talking to him in a raised voice, do the following: wait until the child has finished, and then take him to his room. Tell him as calmly as possible that he should spend some time in his room to calm down.

Feeling your own anger can be frightening for some children. In this case, you should not leave the child alone in the room: this will only increase anger. If you notice that fear is added to the child's feelings of anger, stay close to him.

But if the child shows aggression, immediately stop him and make him sit quietly for one or two minutes until he calms down.

• Teaching your child breathing exercises or yoga will help him calm down before anger gets the better of him.
• Walking in the fresh air alone will help him collect his thoughts and feelings.
• Teach your child to count from one to ten by breathing in and out in time. This will help him calm down.

2. Study the vocabulary of feelings

When young children are angry, they usually scream, fight, and throw things because they don't know how to put their anger into words. A feeling dictionary is a list of words a child can use to express their emotions. Teach him words that represent emotions.

• You can start with words like angry, happy, scared, nervous, anxious, annoyed, etc.
• Once the child has learned these words, teach the child to use them in the sentences: "I'm so mad at you right now" or "He annoys me."
• Expressing your feelings is always better with words than fighting, biting or throwing things.
• Reading books about emotions can help your child understand their feelings better.

3. Give vent to anger

The amygdala, the part of the brain that is also responsible for the body's fight-or-flight response, is responsible for feeling anger. As soon as a person experiences anger, adrenaline is released in his adrenal glands, the level of testosterone in the body rises, and the pulse and blood pressure rise. When the level of adrenaline rises in the body, a person feels strength and energy, and his voice becomes louder. Such changes increase the risk of aggressive behavior. To prevent this, you need to redirect adrenaline to something more productive and less harmful. For example, you can beat a punching bag, scream into a pillow, do some kind of sport (for example, running, swimming, or just doing physical exercises). Physical activity is one of the most effective ways to manage anger for both adults and children.

4. Empathize with the child

Empathy can work wonders when dealing with a child who is angry. If your child is angry, encourage him to talk about it. Do not interrupt the child when he expresses his anger. Acknowledge any of his feelings, be it anger, irritation, or any other.

Show your child that you care about him. Often children experience anger when they are disappointed or feel neglected or betrayed. The child may feel that anger is the only way to be heard or taken seriously. Think about what your child did to show anger.

When the child has calmed down, sit next to him and sincerely ask what is bothering him and how you can help him. Invite your child to take a walk and eat ice cream. Walking helps the child to come to his senses. Don't focus your child's attention on mistakes. Let him make mistakes - without this, development is impossible. Do not pester the child with long moralizing - just be silent and thereby show a little compassion.

5. Praise the child for good behavior

The child's behavior depends on how you react to it. Children always strive to attract the attention of their parents by any means and get their approval. So when your child shows good behavior, praise him and appreciate his efforts. But don't overdo it. Too much praise can be harmful: the child will expect only praise and will not accept criticism. Praise for good behavior is important, but it is equally important to point out wrong behavior and help correct it.

6. Show your child a good example

Show your child an example of how to manage anger and control your emotions. Parents themselves must learn to control their anger by communicating with each other. If parents can't communicate politely, children aren't likely to learn it either. Good communication is an art and must be learned.

Admit you are wrong. When you admit your mistakes, you earn the respect of your children and teach them to be submissive. Parents should learn to solve their problems in a civilized way. When you learn this, children will follow your example and try to deal with their anger without aggression and violence.

7. Set rules

Rules are important for a child to be disciplined. It is very important to set rules for the child when he is angry. The child must understand that it is normal to be angry. But to show cruelty or aggression is unacceptable. Therefore, he must adhere to the following rules:

• it is unacceptable to fight, bite, pinch or use violence;
• you can not shout - to solve any problem, everyone talks calmly;
• you can not call names and say offensive things;
• should never be spoken as soon as a feeling of anger appears. The child should postpone talking until the moment when he calms down;
• problems need to be solved when everyone is calm;
• the purpose of any dispute should be to solve the problem, and not to prove one's case;
• after an outburst of anger, you need to shake hands and make peace;
• do not need to constantly remember the past.

You can add to the list of rules at your discretion. Consider the behavior of the child. The main thing is to make sure that both you and your children follow these rules, and any violation of them has consequences. The rules should be unambiguous and there should be no exceptions to them.

8. Find an alternative

If a child is not allowed to scream and fight when he feels angry, what should he do? Here are some alternative ways to safely vent your anger:

• Use a punching bag. Hitting a pear or a pillow to vent your anger is fine, hitting people is not.
• Invite the child to write the reason for the anger on a piece of paper and tear it into small pieces.
• Breathe. Encourage your child to take deep breaths in and out whenever he feels angry. You can do the Dragon Breathing exercise by having your child breathe in through their nose and out through their mouth, as if the dragon is breathing fire.
• Take the child to a quiet place, away from what makes him angry. So the child will calm down faster.
• Have your child draw their emotions. Colored drawings will help your child calm emotions and turn anger into a creative channel.
• Ask your child what calms them down. Use these tips every time you see him getting angry.
• Adhere to the rule "Morning is wiser than evening." If the child has a problem in the evening, it is better to discuss it the next morning, when everyone is calm.
• Any problem has many solutions. Help the child to understand the causes of the problem, wait a bit and return to the problem when he calms down.

Older children should be taught about the difference between feelings and behavior using specific activities. They will be discussed later.

Anger management questionnaires

A child can learn to manage anger by answering questionnaires. They can be downloaded on the Internet or made for the child yourself. It is best to create individual questionnaires for the child, taking into account his characteristics. Let's look at some examples of questionnaires that you can make for a child.

1. How do I feel angry?

This questionnaire allows the child to pay attention to the physical and emotional sensations during an episode of anger. The questionnaire also encourages the child to be aware of their behavior when they are angry and to look for alternative behaviors.

2. What can I do?

Many children experience anger but do not know how to express it. Therefore, they cry, scream, throw things, etc. - they just do not know other ways to express anger. This questionnaire shows the child more options for dealing with anger.

3. How to express anger?

This questionnaire shows the child how to express his feelings to his parents. It focuses on the causes of anger, how the child feels in moments of anger and what he wants to do differently in such situations.

Questionnaires may seem to the child to be something like homework in school. Therefore, they may not help much in teaching a child to manage anger. In this case, games can be used.

Games and activities that teach a child to manage anger

Games are primarily fun, but they can also be used to teach a child something. Consider a few games that you can play with your child and at the same time teach him to manage his emotions.

1. Don't be angry

This game develops emotional intelligence skills in a child. It helps the child to see different options for responding to events that upset him or cause anger, and choose the most appropriate response.

You will need:

• a list of possible situations that make a child angry;
• paper;
• big bag.

This game is best played with a group of 5-8 people. Before starting the game, write down the different situations in which the child might get angry. Here are some examples:

• You feel bad, but your mother makes you go to school. You want to yell at your mom. What do you think should be done instead?
• You are going to ride a bicycle, but it has a flat tire. Anger makes you want to knock over the bike. What do you think should be done instead?
• Mom made fish for dinner, but you don't like fish. You want to get up from the table and go to your room. What do you think should be done instead?
• Your friend accidentally spilled juice on your shirt. You are upset and want to answer him the same. What should be done instead?

How to play:

1. Have the children sit in a circle.

2. The children take turns choosing a piece of paper with a situation from the bag.

3. Each child should read their situation and answer the question.

4. After that, other children can suggest their own options.

If the child does not understand what to do in a situation, you can suggest the best way to deal with anger.

2. Dice game

This is a simple multiplayer game that can be played with a dice.

You will need:

• dice;
• tasks for each number on the cube.

Before starting the game, come up with tasks that the player must complete when he rolls one or another number on the die. For example:

1 - Name one thing that makes you angry.

2 - Name one thing you can do to calm down when you are angry.

3 - Name one way to control your emotions at school.

4 – Name one thing you did that you regret.

5 – Name a situation when you had difficulty controlling your emotions.

6 – Name a situation when you were angry but made the right decision.

You can think of other tasks for the game.

How to play:

1. Have the children sit in a circle and take turns rolling the die.

2. To complete the task, the child must name only one situation.

3. Do not discuss or comment on other children's answers.

This game can be played in the classroom or at home with the family.

3. Anger balloon

This game objectifies anger and shows the child how to express it. It is based on the analogy that anger is like a balloon. Before starting the game, explain to your child the following points:

• the balloon is a person;
• the air with which you inflate the balloon is words and feelings, including anger.

This game can be played with one child or several children.

You will need:

• lots of balloons;
• space to play.

How to play:

1. Give each child a balloon and ask them to inflate it with air (anger) but do not tie it.

2. Ask the children, “What happens if you add more words and feelings of anger to the balloon?” Wait for the children to say that the balloon will burst before explaining the analogy.

3. Explain that it is dangerous to accumulate emotions in yourself. Instead, you need to learn how to release anger or express it in a safe way.

4. Have the children let go of the balloons and watch them whiz around the room, bumping into things along the way.

5. Then inflate the balloons again. This time, release the air slowly, slightly stretching the hole.

This exercise shows children the difference when a person holds back his anger, vents it all at once or gradually releases it using words, drawing, etc.

In addition to games, there are also various physical and mental activities that will help the child avoid aggression in situations where he feels angry.

1. Physical activity

In addition to physical activity, the child can perform the following activities to safely express anger:

• Dance. Dancing is the best way for a child to deal with anger. Just turn on the music on your computer or find a funny dance video on Youtube. The child can repeat the movements on the video. Before you play a video for your child, make sure it doesn't contain any inappropriate content.
• Cycling or roller skating. This fun activity can distract the child from the situation that makes them angry. However, make sure that the child wears the necessary protective equipment (helmet, knee pads, elbow pads).
• Jump rope. This is another exercise that helps the child release adrenaline and calm down. It is better when several people participate in this lesson.
• Play outdoors. Playing football or basketball helps the child to throw out the energy that the child receives from negative emotions.
• Work in the garden or garden. If the child loves nature, these activities will calm him down. If the child is angry, offer him to water the flowers or plant the seedlings.
• Play with pets. If you have a dog or cat, your child can play with them to help calm them down. An older child can walk a pet.
• Stay in a quiet place. Sometimes, in order to calm down, it is enough for a child to get rid of angry thoughts. In this case, it is enough to take the child to a quiet place where he can collect his thoughts.
• Listen to music. Calm, relaxing music will help the child calm down.
• Laugh. Laughter will help the child dissipate anger.

2. Creative activities

• Let your child do something creative, such as painting, storytelling or modeling. This will help him deal with his anger.
• Strong emotions, including anger, can help children express their creativity. When he is angry, ask him to write a story, poem, or play. The child may even come up with a song.
• Drawing with pencils or paints are also good ways to deal with anger. Let the child choose the colors with which he will depict his anger. The pictures children draw when they are unhappy, upset, or angry can say a lot about their character.
• Coloring pictures can also be a good way to calm down when a child is angry.
• Making collages also helps with anger. Invite your child to cut out pictures of people, objects, and landscapes they like from magazines and make a collage out of them.
• If the child plays musical instruments, music will help him calm down. If not, he can just hum a song.

Anger is not an easy emotion and can be difficult to manage. This is evidenced by the fact that even adults it costs a lot of effort. So don't expect your child to quickly learn to manage their anger. Be patient as your child learns new skills and learns to deal with emotions. Your support and understanding will help him in this.

Children's aggression: How to channel a child's energy into a peaceful direction

Children's aggression is one of the most common problems with which worried parents turn to a psychologist or come to Internet forums for advice. "Help! My baby bites, fights, spits!”, “Son in kindergarten swears bad words and breaks toys!” What are the secrets of controlling children's aggressiveness?

Aggression is the easiest way to get what you want or show your displeasure, the ability to "let off steam" or attract attention, the inability to cope with oneself or the desire to subordinate others to one's will.

Aggression also manifests itself in various ways. Verbal aggression (calling names, humiliating, joking evilly) hits others just as hard as physical aggression (bites, punches, pokes). Passive-aggressive behavior of a teenager (violation of parental prohibitions, ignoring requests and instructions) infuriates adults more reliably than instrumental aggression (for example, deliberate damage to things).

And one of the most difficult forms for parents is when a child's aggression is directed at himself: “I wish I had never been born!”, “I'm the dumbest, everyone hates me!”

Even if it seems to you that there is not a drop of aggressiveness in your child, I assure you, it is not so. But it cannot be assumed that at birth everyone is given it equally. The alloy of temperament and features of the nervous system is individual for each baby. That is why it often happens that in one family, with the same approach to education, children can differ strikingly in character.

But to teach a child to cope with his anger, to control manifestations of aggression - here the family and the environment play a key role. But we will talk about this in more detail a little later.

So, let's look at how aggression manifests itself in children of different ages and what we, parents, can do to prevent its manifestations from causing irreparable harm to others and, of course, to the child himself.

The mother of a six-month-old girl writes: “During feeding, my daughter bites her breast, slaps my face with her hands. And yesterday I held her in my arms, and she bit me on the nose! I'm in pain! What is it, my brawler is growing? And advice is being poured on the young mother: “Slap her back,” “Punch her lips with your finger,” “Scourge her.”

The kid learns the world in the ways available to him - with his hands and "on the tooth". He still cannot realize what “mom hurts”, and he does not at all seek to hurt you. Can he be punished for this? Of course not!

What should parents do? Do not scream or spank the baby. Keep a cool teether handy, soft rubber toys or an apple slice in a nibbler net - something that you can gnaw and bite. Contact a lactation consultant, he will tell you how to apply to the breast so that mom does not hurt. Don't get angry.

The child grows, begins to walk, expands the available territory. The ways of communicating with the world are also expanding. And it often turns out that this world is in no hurry to fulfill all the wishes of the baby. Parents are no longer so quick and willing to let you play with all sorts of delicious little things like dad's mobile phone or mom's beads. Other children (yes! it turns out that there are other children in the world!) do not want to share molds and cars.

There are more and more interests and desires, but speech is not yet sufficiently developed to clearly ask or explain exactly what you want. All this is very frustrating and angers the child, and he still does not know how to cope with anger. And the angel turns into a monster. Some children bite their peers, take away their toys, push, beat. They can swing or hit their mother, grandmother.

What parents should do. Teach your child how to interact with other children. How to exchange toys, how to ask to let them play - with words or understandable gestures. What to do if they refuse (in this case, you should have another toy with you, preferably a new one, in order to switch your attention to it). If you didn’t follow, and there was a fight in the sandbox, you should remain calm, but do not turn away - they say, it will resolve itself somehow.

Right now the child receives the first, most important lessons of anger management and rules of behavior in society. The toy is returned to the owner, an apology is made to the baby (even if it seems to you that he still does not understand anything) and his mother. The game is over for today. Calmly (and briefly, in child-friendly terms) explain why you went home.

At home, when the child calms down, rests, eats and drinks, return to the incident again. Remind them how to ask or offer to change. Do not expect a quick result, but sooner or later the skill will form if you are consistent and confident that you are right.

Any attempt to hit anyone must be stopped quickly and decisively. Hold the child’s hand, firmly say, looking into his eyes: “You can’t fight.” It’s not worth organizing the performance “Oh, mom hurts, mom is crying” - this will provoke a repetition of the situation.

If your child has neurological problems, is not well, or wants to sleep, avoid large children's groups. The abundance of new people or an overabundance of vivid sensations can push the baby to manifestations of aggression that are uncharacteristic for him, and he will not be able to cope with himself.

Perhaps it is at this age that the basic ways of a child's interaction with the world are laid. Therefore, it is so important for parents to be especially careful and consistent in influencing the formation of the child's behavior.

As a rule, at the age of three or four, children go to kindergarten or start going to development groups, clubs and sections. And if earlier there was at least one interested adult for every baby, now the relationship is getting out of total control for the first time. As a result, unacceptable manifestations of aggression often occur (fights, bites, spoils things), requiring immediate intervention from adults.

What should parents do? If a child shows aggression towards other children, you need to stop the game, finish the walk, leave the holiday, leave the playground - quickly and decisively. If the child is overexcited, screaming, crying, do not rush to lecture, help calm down, give him a drink - and then sort out the situation. The rule is simple: the pleasure stops immediately, the routine begins.

Build empathy in your child – the ability to put yourself in the place of another. Simply put, cry not only when you hit yourself, but also when someone else hurt you. A child who knows how to sympathize will never hurt on purpose.

Pay attention to the development of speech, expanding the baby's vocabulary. Show the difference between “offended” and “angry”, “sad” and “anxious”, learn to hear yourself and understand when “I’m tired”, “I’m hungry”, “tired, I want to go home”, help express feelings in words. And, of course, listen to these words, respond to them, fulfill requests, praise when a son or daughter manages to catch the moment “I’m about to explode” and warn about it.

Give your child legal ways to express negative emotions. You can’t fight, you can’t bite - but what can you do? You can - kick a ball, a stone, a chestnut, tear unnecessary newspapers (and never books), crumple and crumple paper, throw paper lumps at the wall, hit a pillow, swear (yes, teach your child “permitted swearing” - let these be names cacti, or cities in Mexico, or just your invented words with him).

If you managed to suppress manifestations of aggression, be sure that it will certainly “come out” in another place and at another time. Therefore, your task is to teach how you CAN express your anger and your discontent.

Teach your child to apologize sincerely. Do not mutter on duty “I won’t do it again”, and don’t be shy to admit that you were wrong. The best way to teach this is by your own example.

School becomes a real stress for a child, even if he can read, write and count perfectly. Sitting for four or five lessons for 40-45 minutes in a row is terribly tiring. Moreover, the obligation to do not what you want, but what the teacher says, is added to the previous claims to the world - moreover, strictly, fulfilling the task exactly.

I would definitely like to stop here and draw your attention to the manifestation of aggression, which flourishes magnificently at this age - to aggression directed against oneself.

Eight-year-old Varya accepts each new math assignment with tears: "I'm a fool, I don't understand anything, I'm the worst!" It takes a lot of work for mom to calm her down, make her read it, and suddenly it turns out that Varya knows very well how the problem is solved, and today the examples are easy. This is repeated every day, but if mom is not at home, then the girl will cry, but not decide.

Seven-year-old Kostya beats his cheeks and shouts: “I'm bad, it's not enough to kill me!” Got into another fight at school, broke a promise to dad, upset mom.

What is it? Sincere repentance or a desire to relieve oneself of responsibility: “I said that I can’t do anything, so if there is a bad mark, I warned you”, “I’m bad, what’s the demand from me?”.

What should parents do? Even if it seems to you that the child is already big, believe me - it is a little easier for him to control his emotions and actions than for a five-year-old kid. And the school takes a lot of resources - strength, patience, self-confidence. Therefore, do not be surprised or scared if in the first grade it seems to you that the child has forgotten all the “permitted” ways of expressing aggression that you taught him. Just help restore them.

Walk together, socialize, talk, cuddle, play (and act out conflict situations that arise at school). Do not overload the student, leave him the opportunity to walk and run, relieve stress.

When choosing extracurricular activities, look for those that provide another legal way to "let off steam" and help you control yourself better. Team games are especially suitable for this - football, basketball, volleyball (where not only you, but the whole team will be punished for immoderate aggression) - and sports where you need to keep your cool - fencing, archery, equestrian sports.

Even if it seems to you that there is nothing to praise a child for, still try to thank him for something, praise him, find something to be proud of, sincerely and respectfully. Hug, stroke, kiss, show how dear to you, loved and needed.

Teenage aggression is not an easy topic. A hormonal surge, a desire to raise your rating in the eyes of peers, relationships with parents, a precarious situation: then they tell you that you are already an adult, and right there - that you are still small. Moreover, the pressing need to make a choice “who to be” is added, and even adults say that if you don’t decide now, it will be too late.

It's hard being a teenager! But it is also not easy to be a parent of a teenager, because it is against adults that the rebellion of a growing child is directed. One of his most characteristic manifestations is passive-aggressive behavior. Your child, as if on purpose, ceases to hear the words addressed to him, does not carry out even the simplest assignments, deliberately “pulls rubber” when you ask him to hurry up, is late for the appointed time, answers all questions: “Norm!” It seems that he is three years old again, and he is ready to say “no” to any of your proposals.

What parents should do. Calmness, only calmness! First of all, try to listen and understand what is bothering the child. Get rid of the habit of asking rhetorical questions: “Why didn’t you wash the dishes? Why didn't you make the bed?" Just remember what needs to be done. Try not to engage in pointless arguments with a teenager and not to threaten with things that you yourself are not ready to fulfill.

If from a very early age you taught him to control manifestations of aggression, these skills did not go down in the sand, they were not forgotten, but now it is difficult for a teenager to remember them, especially in the heat of a quarrel. The most important thing is to remain a friend to your child, even if he suddenly seems alien and incomprehensible to you.

Summing up, I would like to say the following separately. We can teach a child absolutely correct things in which we believe. But if we say one thing, and in the family the children see something else, there is no doubt that they will not copy what they hear, but what they see.

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